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It might be ridiculous but the replacement of the escalator at the Central Station in Kyiv is postponed indefinitely, as the Kriukiv Carriage Work has appealed the tender. This event happened less than two weeks ago, which was modestly reported on its website by the press service of Ukrzaliznytsia.
I believe that only Elon Musk can save the situation. But we need to somehow lure him to Ukraine first. It is difficult to do this, but someone should elaborate a special plan, as a result of which Musk will quickly get involved in our Ukrainian realities for a long time, if not forever.
The script is as follows:
Elon Musk in absentia accepts the proposal of Petro Poroshenko to head the National Commission, which implements state regulation in the energy and utility sectors. President Administration sends a special plane to bring him to Boryspil. Traditional loaf, national songs, and dances at the airport... Then they bring him to Hilton. Gala concert and songs about space again. Serdyuchka. Poroshenko, Tymoshenko, Hrytsenko, Avakov, Groysman, Lyashko. Selfies and photos. A luxury banquet. The governor of the Poltava region sits next to Musk and whispers something. In the end, Groysman raises the parting glass and announces his sincere desire to move to Mars. Everyone leaves in the joyful anticipation of the changes.
On the second day, they start drinking right from the morning. At 12 days, Musk announces his decision to build a plant for the production of Tesla cars in Poltava region. And in a state of absolute happiness, he goes back to California.
But signing contracts with us is something risky. The plant will be built but there would be difficulties with launching it. The top managers who headed the branch in Ukraine and who arrived in connection with this for its opening will be sent to the domestic treatment and prophylactic institution for the procedure of blood donation and fluorography to be sure that they do not suffer from chronic alcoholism, drug addiction, and infectious diseases.
There they will also be informed that they cannot be accepted because they do not have passports translated into Ukrainian. In addition to tests for hepatitis and other infections, certificates of non-conviction, diplomas confirmed by the Ministry of Education, etc., are still needed. During the time spent preparing documents, the allowed period of stay in the country (90 days) will expire, and Western top management will leave the country.
Tesla plant, in its turn, will receive the first letter for non-payment of taxes, since a part of the invested capital may become an object of payment of the tax even before the plant starts getting profits. And in general - the lease of land on which the plant was built, is illegal because of the fact that the land under the object of construction has been retroactively retrofitted to another legal entity.
Musk urgently arrives in Kyiv. But no one puts the red carpet to his feet. Serious border guards ask long questions about the purpose of the visit. And when Musk is taken to the Central Railway Station, and he sees the non-working escalator. And then tense negotiations begin, which last till the late night. As a result, early in the morning, Avakov becomes a new owner of Tesla, Ukraine receives a plant, Ukrzaliznytsya’a escalator resumes its work, and Groysman goes to Mars.
This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the editorial board or 112.International and its owners.